My life is so much nicer when I don't go online. Life is so much nicer when I don't care about fandom, wank or otherwise. My friends in real life always make me smile, make me feel welcome. They make me laugh. They also make me want other things out of life, make me want to make something of my world out of what I have.
I met M today, for the first time. Picked her up from the station and wandered around the shops for a bit, but not too long since it was raining. We grabbed tea and afternoon dessert (mango sago pudding!) and just sat around talking until I had to drop her back off at the station. There are things, after all, that you can only say in person, despite how close you can be online.
Dinner with L on Wednesday night was wonderful, too. We shared Mexican food and then 3Q passionfruit tea and talked about a lot of things. Sometimes I can feel the age difference; most of the time, it doesn't bother me. I also picked up Cadbury and Tim Tams on the way home for packages, among other small groceries, and felt incredibly judged by the cashier.
Still, I think I'm happy. I think I am.
Maybe it's better not to think at all, just breathe and feel and take life as it is.
Saturday, 20 July 2013
Sunday, 14 July 2013
can't stop the music, this moment is for you tonight
Karaoke is honestly one of my favourite pastimes, regardless of what kind of group I'm going with. This is, though, still somewhat dependent on whether the group allows me to do all the songs that I want. Even if I don't though, I still enjoy seeing everyone else have fun with whatever songs they've inputted. Seeing people not care about pitch or tone and just have fun always makes me smile.
The group I was with on Thursday (H, S, D, T, J, E) isn't a group of people that I'd normally hang out with, but I had a lot of fun nonetheless. T, especially, I hadn't seen in a long time so it was good to be able to talk and bitch with her again. Maybe it's because I don't normally tend to have so much drama in my life that what happens to others seems much more monumental. It was interesting to hear about how much had occurred in their lives over dinner (hot pot and barbeque).
It's worth making more of an effort in the future, I think. There's a certain freedom with them that I don't necessarily feel with other groups. It's a good feeling.
I also stayed over at T's on Tuesday night. We hung out in the city for a few hours, just sitting around and taking up space. We also managed to leave just before rush hour, and proceeded to be those obnoxious young people that others are always glaring at and wishing they would just get off the train already. Truth be told though, it was probably me more than T though; it usually is. Something about being around her brings out the part of me that is happy to shamelessly play ridiculous songs for us to listen to and sing along to out loud.
Her mother, in an unnecessary attempt to impress me, made us lasagne for dinner. I say unnecessary because this really isn't the first time I've stayed over, and I already love her parents; they're hilarious. We also baked brownies! Out of a packet mix, because whenever we're there, we are far too lazy to do things from scratch. Last time we made brownies we added Cherry Ripe but we added Malteasers instead this time. The only real problem we had was with making the icing/frosting from scratch. That...is not really something I want to do again. I'm not really sure what we managed to do, but we ended up having to freeze it, and then melt it again to pour it over the brownies before letting everything sit in the fridge. We spent the rest of the night and the next day doing stupid things - checking SNS and watching videos of various things - and talking about life things; all of which involved a lot of anger and swearing and loudness and generally just having a terribly good time.
I suppose T is the closest thing I have to a "best friend", though I'm not fond of using that label. It is, after all, not the label that makes it true.
The group I was with on Thursday (H, S, D, T, J, E) isn't a group of people that I'd normally hang out with, but I had a lot of fun nonetheless. T, especially, I hadn't seen in a long time so it was good to be able to talk and bitch with her again. Maybe it's because I don't normally tend to have so much drama in my life that what happens to others seems much more monumental. It was interesting to hear about how much had occurred in their lives over dinner (hot pot and barbeque).
It's worth making more of an effort in the future, I think. There's a certain freedom with them that I don't necessarily feel with other groups. It's a good feeling.
I also stayed over at T's on Tuesday night. We hung out in the city for a few hours, just sitting around and taking up space. We also managed to leave just before rush hour, and proceeded to be those obnoxious young people that others are always glaring at and wishing they would just get off the train already. Truth be told though, it was probably me more than T though; it usually is. Something about being around her brings out the part of me that is happy to shamelessly play ridiculous songs for us to listen to and sing along to out loud.
Her mother, in an unnecessary attempt to impress me, made us lasagne for dinner. I say unnecessary because this really isn't the first time I've stayed over, and I already love her parents; they're hilarious. We also baked brownies! Out of a packet mix, because whenever we're there, we are far too lazy to do things from scratch. Last time we made brownies we added Cherry Ripe but we added Malteasers instead this time. The only real problem we had was with making the icing/frosting from scratch. That...is not really something I want to do again. I'm not really sure what we managed to do, but we ended up having to freeze it, and then melt it again to pour it over the brownies before letting everything sit in the fridge. We spent the rest of the night and the next day doing stupid things - checking SNS and watching videos of various things - and talking about life things; all of which involved a lot of anger and swearing and loudness and generally just having a terribly good time.
I suppose T is the closest thing I have to a "best friend", though I'm not fond of using that label. It is, after all, not the label that makes it true.
Thursday, 4 July 2013
sun is in the sky, why would i want to be anywhere else?
The weather's been gorgeous lately, for Winter, at least. I went out with C on Wednesday, since exams are officially over and done with. It'd been just over a month since I last saw her, which doesn't seem quite so long, but is when you've become accustomed to seeing someone every other day for three months straight. I had an interesting encounter on my way to meeting her, but that's for another time, perhaps. Now that she's moved houses, K Rd is that convenient almost-equal distance from both of us.
The French cafe has been a favourite of both of ours for a while, so it seemed like a good place to have our first official date. Although we met up around lunch time, I suppose it'd be rather more appropriate to say that we had an early afternoon tea instead, having ordered an apple crumble and a mixed berry danish to share. C got Earl Grey while I, having had not quite as much sleep, got a latte. And then proceeded to convince C to procure me some extra sugar packets. It was pricier than a normal cafe, but well worth it for the plush seats we secured and the lovely atmosphere, I feel. We chatted and caught up about exams and other life happenings. I think we spent the better part of the hours there reminiscing about our past, younger selves - primary and high school memories both. It's interesting how even though we come from different places, some things are constants.
Whenever I reflect on all the time I spend with C, the clearest is always how loud we are in comparison to others. We've always been loud individually, but when we're together, I suspect it's a little intimidating (?) for the people around us. We stayed in the cafe until it closed so there was plenty of opportunity to notice how very little the volume in the room seemed to decrease every time the other customers left.
What upsets me most about Winter is how quickly the sun sets. At this point, it's literally an hour or so until the sky is pitch black. Still, we vacated the cafe before the sun set, and walked back to the main section of K Rd for ice cream. I feel like a litre of ice cream would've been lovely, but in the end we settled for a cup of three flavours - cookie dough, Baileys with almonds and some odd combination named Stairway to Heaven. Even though it was starting to get dark we still sat outside, during which time we had an intriguing conversation on fandoms and fic, before she saw me off onto my bus and we parted ways.
I caught up with S on Thursday morning for brunch. The weather was not so great in the morning, cold and windy, but it shaped up later. We were inside for most of the time, anyway. I hadn't seen her since May either, and a lot had transpired since then - what with uni and her trip to Japan and everything. I think that's the part I enjoy most about having "real life fandom friends" - friends who I can go out and see, but still talk fandom with. Perhaps it helps that most of the ones that I do go out with tend to be more rational, more accepting and willing to talk through issues. Breakfast was a ridiculous size and I felt full the rest of the day, which was a bonus, I suppose. We talked for a few hours, about all sorts of things, and then S went back to her grandparents, and I shopped for a bit before coming home.
I should've done a lot more after coming home on both days than I did, but well. I need to start making to-do lists again.
The French cafe has been a favourite of both of ours for a while, so it seemed like a good place to have our first official date. Although we met up around lunch time, I suppose it'd be rather more appropriate to say that we had an early afternoon tea instead, having ordered an apple crumble and a mixed berry danish to share. C got Earl Grey while I, having had not quite as much sleep, got a latte. And then proceeded to convince C to procure me some extra sugar packets. It was pricier than a normal cafe, but well worth it for the plush seats we secured and the lovely atmosphere, I feel. We chatted and caught up about exams and other life happenings. I think we spent the better part of the hours there reminiscing about our past, younger selves - primary and high school memories both. It's interesting how even though we come from different places, some things are constants.
Whenever I reflect on all the time I spend with C, the clearest is always how loud we are in comparison to others. We've always been loud individually, but when we're together, I suspect it's a little intimidating (?) for the people around us. We stayed in the cafe until it closed so there was plenty of opportunity to notice how very little the volume in the room seemed to decrease every time the other customers left.
What upsets me most about Winter is how quickly the sun sets. At this point, it's literally an hour or so until the sky is pitch black. Still, we vacated the cafe before the sun set, and walked back to the main section of K Rd for ice cream. I feel like a litre of ice cream would've been lovely, but in the end we settled for a cup of three flavours - cookie dough, Baileys with almonds and some odd combination named Stairway to Heaven. Even though it was starting to get dark we still sat outside, during which time we had an intriguing conversation on fandoms and fic, before she saw me off onto my bus and we parted ways.
I caught up with S on Thursday morning for brunch. The weather was not so great in the morning, cold and windy, but it shaped up later. We were inside for most of the time, anyway. I hadn't seen her since May either, and a lot had transpired since then - what with uni and her trip to Japan and everything. I think that's the part I enjoy most about having "real life fandom friends" - friends who I can go out and see, but still talk fandom with. Perhaps it helps that most of the ones that I do go out with tend to be more rational, more accepting and willing to talk through issues. Breakfast was a ridiculous size and I felt full the rest of the day, which was a bonus, I suppose. We talked for a few hours, about all sorts of things, and then S went back to her grandparents, and I shopped for a bit before coming home.
I should've done a lot more after coming home on both days than I did, but well. I need to start making to-do lists again.
Sunday, 30 June 2013
the road not taken
Honestly speaking, I feel a little more stressed now that I'm actually on holidays than I was when it was exam season. I don't dismiss all that I've accomplished so far this year as unimportant, and I don't think that relaxing and enjoying my holiday is undeserved. But at the same time, that all fades when it comes to thinking about what I could be doing, should be doing, could have, should have, done instead. I should have put forth more effort into finding something to do this year. Why didn't I look for a place to work at? Why didn't I plan for even something like volunteer work to build up experience, make myself more appealing for hire? Being (occasionally) awesome isn't enough; you need experience to back it up when you want a job. Doubtless this is exacerbated by my younger sister getting hired before me and leaving me as the only one not making my own way. Even so, I don't take the initiative often enough. And it hurts to think about. Because I know that I could have done more.
Friday, 21 June 2013
it's a phony world we live in
You know, I hate this thing that people do.
I don't know if I could pick a side, because if it were me, I'd want you to be on my side too. I'm tired of trying to mediate between T and M when I shouldn't even be caught up in this.
Kindly keep your drama the fuck away from me.
I don't know if I could pick a side, because if it were me, I'd want you to be on my side too. I'm tired of trying to mediate between T and M when I shouldn't even be caught up in this.
Kindly keep your drama the fuck away from me.
Sunday, 9 June 2013
can't seem to get along but you give me no choice
Normally I love going to gatherings or birthdays or whatever the event happens to be. Normally. I've always preferred hanging out one-on-one as opposed to in groups, though. The group exceptions are generally if the small group happens to be the right mix of people where I don't feel awkward, or big enough that there are enough people that I can mill around with to cancel out the potential awkward feelings. Sometimes I feel no qualms about making up some (silly and obvious) excuse to get out going to events, though this is usually relegated to the times when I simply don't feel close enough to any of the attendees to justify my going. Other times, I hate being too nice to try to make an excuse to get out of going to something. Usually this happens when the other party is someone who I've known for a fairly long amount of time, or would be genuinely upset by my non-attendance, or someone I would consider myself fairly close to.
I had fun enough at N's 21st, I guess. We were particularly close in the past, and we've remained fairly good friends through all these years. I can't lie though, my fun was mostly centered around the great delight that was informing L and J that I knew more about L than they would have expected, but not because of Facebook stalking like they expected. Oh no, rather, because one of my closest friends,T, happens to be L's ex-girlfriend. The dress up aspect of it was fun too, though; and the decor was adorable.
The most awkward moment was, I guess, not being comfortable with almost everyone in attendance and having that be so obvious. I'd expected it, of course; we lead different lives, and our tastes in friends are pretty different too. I'm not particularly social at the best of times, even in my own circles, but it's even harder when it's obvious that everyone else is on such good terms with each other. It's not as if I could monopolise N's time either, since it's her birthday. I ended up on my phone for most of the night, messaging the rest of my friends, and eating more than I normally would in the span of about three days. I'm sure that if I tried, I would've been able to strike up conversation with any of the others but honestly, I didn't really want to. I don't much see the point in trying to forge a connection which will be somewhat awkward for all parties involved for the sake of a few hours only.
I've always been particularly bad at presents, too. Even if I happen to know the person quite well, unless they request something specific I have a lot of difficulty in finding something for them. I'm just not the type who goes out shopping and sees things that remind me of people, or that make me think 'person x would like this a lot'. This is also why I never expect presents, not that I ever give people a chance to give them to me; I don't really remember the last time I had a proper birthday. I ended up just writing her a card with a lot of ~heartfelt words~.
It wasn't a bad night, but it definitely wasn't one of the better ones either. I'm glad I went though, I think I would have regretted not going more than I vaguely regret going.
I had fun enough at N's 21st, I guess. We were particularly close in the past, and we've remained fairly good friends through all these years. I can't lie though, my fun was mostly centered around the great delight that was informing L and J that I knew more about L than they would have expected, but not because of Facebook stalking like they expected. Oh no, rather, because one of my closest friends,T, happens to be L's ex-girlfriend. The dress up aspect of it was fun too, though; and the decor was adorable.
The most awkward moment was, I guess, not being comfortable with almost everyone in attendance and having that be so obvious. I'd expected it, of course; we lead different lives, and our tastes in friends are pretty different too. I'm not particularly social at the best of times, even in my own circles, but it's even harder when it's obvious that everyone else is on such good terms with each other. It's not as if I could monopolise N's time either, since it's her birthday. I ended up on my phone for most of the night, messaging the rest of my friends, and eating more than I normally would in the span of about three days. I'm sure that if I tried, I would've been able to strike up conversation with any of the others but honestly, I didn't really want to. I don't much see the point in trying to forge a connection which will be somewhat awkward for all parties involved for the sake of a few hours only.
I've always been particularly bad at presents, too. Even if I happen to know the person quite well, unless they request something specific I have a lot of difficulty in finding something for them. I'm just not the type who goes out shopping and sees things that remind me of people, or that make me think 'person x would like this a lot'. This is also why I never expect presents, not that I ever give people a chance to give them to me; I don't really remember the last time I had a proper birthday. I ended up just writing her a card with a lot of ~heartfelt words~.
It wasn't a bad night, but it definitely wasn't one of the better ones either. I'm glad I went though, I think I would have regretted not going more than I vaguely regret going.
Friday, 7 June 2013
pathetic
You're like the fucking ex that I never fucking had. The one who's fucked me up so badly that I can't do anything without remembering how we used to go there and eat something, and hate this or like that, or talk and argue about whatever. There's so much that surrounds me that is tied up in memories that remind me of you. It pisses me off because it's so fucking unfair that I'm suffering from the consequences of a relationship that never actually existed, especially when you were the one who fucking chose that break-up; you were the one who fucking forced that rift.
The best part of all of this is that it probably didn't even affect you at all; it didn't seem like you even gave it a second thought. Evidently, it was just that easy of a decision to let me go. You never wanted to make the first move as friends, so I can't ever expect you to apologise and make amends, can I? Even if you are sorry about the way that you fucked this all up, which I highly doubt since you seem to be plenty happy. I guess the relationship we had just didn't mean all that much to you.
I don't really wish you anything bad, because I liked you a lot when we were friends. But I'm not mature, so I'll keep myself happy with the thought that, at the very least, you're not going anywhere in life.
Still, congratulations.
You're honestly the worst break up that I've ever had, and the only one who's fucked me up for this long afterwards. Incredible, really, considering we never dated.
I fucking miss you and you don't even care.
The best part of all of this is that it probably didn't even affect you at all; it didn't seem like you even gave it a second thought. Evidently, it was just that easy of a decision to let me go. You never wanted to make the first move as friends, so I can't ever expect you to apologise and make amends, can I? Even if you are sorry about the way that you fucked this all up, which I highly doubt since you seem to be plenty happy. I guess the relationship we had just didn't mean all that much to you.
I don't really wish you anything bad, because I liked you a lot when we were friends. But I'm not mature, so I'll keep myself happy with the thought that, at the very least, you're not going anywhere in life.
Still, congratulations.
You're honestly the worst break up that I've ever had, and the only one who's fucked me up for this long afterwards. Incredible, really, considering we never dated.
I fucking miss you and you don't even care.
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
we arrive and we cause a commotion
Went out with tlist for D's birthday last weekend! It was a pretty standard tlist outing though - lunch, karaoke, and then loitering around and talking until late. It was really good to see everyone again (D, J, C, S, L, J, V, A, T); the last time I saw half of them was in January, I think.
Met up with J first and we shopped around a bit at MC before meeting up with T and walking over to the restaurant. Sometimes I don't know why I bother being early, considering we were left waiting outside for a good 30 minutes at least before everyone else showed up. Post-lunch we headed over to Photo Plus to meet up with V and take sticker photos. It's also been reiterated to me that I should never give directions, I am so terrible at it, sigh. There was a moment of extreme confusion when we finally met up with L, though. It's like she's a stranger magnet. We caught her talking to a guy, who we all assumed was someone she knew, except that he...wasn't? But in any case, he left as soon as we all showed up and I was holding onto L.
Karaoke was pretty normal, for us. J showed up around halfway, and S towards the end. I never want to go to Partyworld again though, the system is far too confusing for me to operate. I'm also pretty sure the staff were somewhat annoyed with us too, what with our frequent requests for drinks and photo taking and general loudness. We also had a group of guys randomly stick their heads into our room and ask if they could have any one of our numbers. L also later confided that one had approached her after she exited the toilets. Karaoke always serves to point out how different it is to be good at a language, and having memorised something in a language, though.
The highlight of karaoke was definitely D's reaction to our cake for her though. What we did was find a picture that we knew would cause her to scream and have Michel's print it onto the top of the cake. I had no idea that was even possible, but it really was the best idea. I'm really glad I recorded the moment for keepsakes; it was priceless and she definitely really appreciated it. I also really love eating birthday cake. There's just something about birthday cake that makes it that little bit more delicious than regular cake. Sometimes I walk up the road to the shops around closing time to see if there are any unbought birthday cakes that I can take home and enjoy.
After karaoke we walked around for a bit in little groups, just talking, until someone decided they wanted frozen yoghurt. We traipsed downstairs for that and ended up sitting around in the food court for a good hour, eating and just talking about things. J and L ended up leaving around 7, and C perhaps a little later, before the rest of us relocated to a different table to chat about life and fandom things until we all ended up leaving. I was, all the while, plagued with texts from L about older men hitting on her. I worry about her a lot; this kind of thing happens far too often to her. But she got home safely, which is what matters.
Today I went to K's house to hang out and have dinner. I was actually pretty worried on the way over, since it's roughly a 15-20 minute walk from the bus stop to her house and I hadn't been there in so long that I was almost convinced I was walking down the wrong streets. But I got there in the end! I haven't seen her in so long; we've both been so busy with uni, and she works pretty much every free moment that she has. There were a few awkward moments when it was evident that we'd been apart for a while and had grown in different directions, but that's only to be expected. It wasn't bad, just a little surprising, I suppose. K's always been the type with whom it's easy to slip into the old patterns with, and it's always been that way in the past, so it stopped me up short a few times.
It's just K, F and their dad at home so her house is always a great place to be in, especially since F is so obsessed with cooking. K and I hooked up her DDR system and basically flailed around a lot while F and her dad made dinner, on the basis that we would do dishes afterwards. K and I are both stupidly unfit (I should really use these holidays to work on that; let's see how long that mindset lasts though) and stupidly uncoordinated. It probably didn't help that I wasn't really familiar with the songs either, but that's part of what made it so fun.
Dinner was a ridiculous affair, full of talking over the top of each other and casual jibes and life, despite there only being four of us. F's cooking has definitely improved since the last time I was over too. There was pumpkin soup, potatoes stuffed with an assortment of delicious herbs, and prawn paella. She also made these really delicious strawberry and brie tartlets for dessert.
Post-dinner and dishes, K, F and I settled down for What Would You Do, which our group plays on a fairly regular basis. It is basically exactly as it sounds: someone poses a situation and you all explain what you'd do in the situation. The aim to come up with increasingly outrageous or conflicting situations for each other to try and explain away. My favourite of the night was definitely the volcano situation, despite the fact that we don't have volcanoes here. It was probably our most ridiculous combined answer, wherein F argued that the signs of imminent eruption would probably have been obvious so we would have had pre-prepared packs and wouldn't have to waste time on packing, and that she would only really need to get the rest of us into the car. Upon which I pointed out that driving would really be kind of a waste of time because everyone would be driving and the roads would be jammed up and K said something along the lines of just going to hang out on the top of a skyscraper or hijacking a helicopter regardless of none of us knowing how to operate one.
K dropped me home around 11.30? although we sat in the driveway of my house for a good 10 minutes after that just talking a bit more. We made tentative plans to get together with the rest of the C4 before the holidays end, though with everyone's schedules being so busy, I'm not sure it'll happen. All I can do is hope that it does, though.
Met up with J first and we shopped around a bit at MC before meeting up with T and walking over to the restaurant. Sometimes I don't know why I bother being early, considering we were left waiting outside for a good 30 minutes at least before everyone else showed up. Post-lunch we headed over to Photo Plus to meet up with V and take sticker photos. It's also been reiterated to me that I should never give directions, I am so terrible at it, sigh. There was a moment of extreme confusion when we finally met up with L, though. It's like she's a stranger magnet. We caught her talking to a guy, who we all assumed was someone she knew, except that he...wasn't? But in any case, he left as soon as we all showed up and I was holding onto L.
Karaoke was pretty normal, for us. J showed up around halfway, and S towards the end. I never want to go to Partyworld again though, the system is far too confusing for me to operate. I'm also pretty sure the staff were somewhat annoyed with us too, what with our frequent requests for drinks and photo taking and general loudness. We also had a group of guys randomly stick their heads into our room and ask if they could have any one of our numbers. L also later confided that one had approached her after she exited the toilets. Karaoke always serves to point out how different it is to be good at a language, and having memorised something in a language, though.
The highlight of karaoke was definitely D's reaction to our cake for her though. What we did was find a picture that we knew would cause her to scream and have Michel's print it onto the top of the cake. I had no idea that was even possible, but it really was the best idea. I'm really glad I recorded the moment for keepsakes; it was priceless and she definitely really appreciated it. I also really love eating birthday cake. There's just something about birthday cake that makes it that little bit more delicious than regular cake. Sometimes I walk up the road to the shops around closing time to see if there are any unbought birthday cakes that I can take home and enjoy.
After karaoke we walked around for a bit in little groups, just talking, until someone decided they wanted frozen yoghurt. We traipsed downstairs for that and ended up sitting around in the food court for a good hour, eating and just talking about things. J and L ended up leaving around 7, and C perhaps a little later, before the rest of us relocated to a different table to chat about life and fandom things until we all ended up leaving. I was, all the while, plagued with texts from L about older men hitting on her. I worry about her a lot; this kind of thing happens far too often to her. But she got home safely, which is what matters.
Today I went to K's house to hang out and have dinner. I was actually pretty worried on the way over, since it's roughly a 15-20 minute walk from the bus stop to her house and I hadn't been there in so long that I was almost convinced I was walking down the wrong streets. But I got there in the end! I haven't seen her in so long; we've both been so busy with uni, and she works pretty much every free moment that she has. There were a few awkward moments when it was evident that we'd been apart for a while and had grown in different directions, but that's only to be expected. It wasn't bad, just a little surprising, I suppose. K's always been the type with whom it's easy to slip into the old patterns with, and it's always been that way in the past, so it stopped me up short a few times.
It's just K, F and their dad at home so her house is always a great place to be in, especially since F is so obsessed with cooking. K and I hooked up her DDR system and basically flailed around a lot while F and her dad made dinner, on the basis that we would do dishes afterwards. K and I are both stupidly unfit (I should really use these holidays to work on that; let's see how long that mindset lasts though) and stupidly uncoordinated. It probably didn't help that I wasn't really familiar with the songs either, but that's part of what made it so fun.
Dinner was a ridiculous affair, full of talking over the top of each other and casual jibes and life, despite there only being four of us. F's cooking has definitely improved since the last time I was over too. There was pumpkin soup, potatoes stuffed with an assortment of delicious herbs, and prawn paella. She also made these really delicious strawberry and brie tartlets for dessert.
Post-dinner and dishes, K, F and I settled down for What Would You Do, which our group plays on a fairly regular basis. It is basically exactly as it sounds: someone poses a situation and you all explain what you'd do in the situation. The aim to come up with increasingly outrageous or conflicting situations for each other to try and explain away. My favourite of the night was definitely the volcano situation, despite the fact that we don't have volcanoes here. It was probably our most ridiculous combined answer, wherein F argued that the signs of imminent eruption would probably have been obvious so we would have had pre-prepared packs and wouldn't have to waste time on packing, and that she would only really need to get the rest of us into the car. Upon which I pointed out that driving would really be kind of a waste of time because everyone would be driving and the roads would be jammed up and K said something along the lines of just going to hang out on the top of a skyscraper or hijacking a helicopter regardless of none of us knowing how to operate one.
K dropped me home around 11.30? although we sat in the driveway of my house for a good 10 minutes after that just talking a bit more. We made tentative plans to get together with the rest of the C4 before the holidays end, though with everyone's schedules being so busy, I'm not sure it'll happen. All I can do is hope that it does, though.
Sunday, 19 May 2013
like one, two, three, start afresh
Today my brother officially moved into his house. Though it's not moving in, exactly, since he's still going to be living at home because it's closer to work. In any case, his house is now officially fit to live in. If you discount the noticeable lack of any kind of furniture. It's stocked with his clothes and toiletries and kitchen utensils and cutlery and non-perishable foods though. I'm not really sure why we had to spend the entire day there though. After my mother did some incomprehensible Chinese ritual, we carted everything inside.
I am clearly not cut out to ever try to assemble anything, even when given written directions. Instead, I got relegated to washing and putting things away. There really wasn't a lot to do and I spent the better part of the afternoon just lying on the floor on my phone, writing, and then napping when I got cold. Since it's a new developmental area the reception, and the 3G, is sketchy at best so there wasn't a whole lot I could really do.
I'm not really sure what he's going to do with the house now though. I guess eventually it'll go up for rent? I can't imagine any of us moving in there, since it's a good 40-45 minute drive out of the city. I really like the set up of the house though, particularly the open kitchen-living-dining area. We're still working on the backyard though - it still needs to be paved and grassed and fenced off. The surrounding area is really nice too! There's a playground and a walking circuit just out the back, and the shopping centre is only about 15 minutes walk away.
I don't really think of my brother as old, or even that much older than me, in any sense. That he actually owns a house now is sort of an odd thing to think about. It's like he should be in a steady relationship and preparing to get married or something like that.
Tuesday, 14 May 2013
departures
Part of graduations is the significance that you're done with this part of your life. It hurts to think about, even if you're not the one who is graduating. Watching the people you know graduate just hones in the fact that there's only a limited time left.
You know that one day the person graduating is going to be you, and you're going to have to wake up and look around and tell yourself that you're really not a child any more. That you have to start thinking about other things, prioritise, that you can't just sit around and let blissful waves of a fantasy world wash over you any more. People disappear from that world you created together, replaced by new ones that you don't know. People leave and move on and disappear, leaving virtually nothing behind. And one of these days, that's going to be you. You just won't be able to afford that world any more, time-wise, money-wise, emotion-wise.
Sometimes, there are people who are fortunate enough to have a few people who will carry that world forward for a few years, to be able to indulge in with the people they know who are in the same situation, unwilling to let go. But it isn't, it won't be long before you feel an overwhelming wave of patheticness. And that's the last thing you want to feel or to call others. But the problem is that there is no support out there in the world of "I need to find a career".
A career. A family, perhaps. A life outside that little bubble that you managed to encapsulate yourself in. A life that other people will approve of. Because while you were so busy not caring about what people thought when we had the beautiful, dorky, amazing parts of our fantasy world, they moved on without us.
And life afterwards can get very, very lonely.
In life afterwards, you feel like you've lost some of your best friends. In a way, everything in that world was your best friend - always smiling at you, encouraging you, doing silly things with and for you, telling you they love you; you spent all your time in the world together, even if sometimes it all made you cry. And then it's gone and you only have a few people left who understand, and you have to go through the jarring transition together, holding on for, and onto, dear life.
You have to make that transition from your fantasy world and all the happiness that came from it to everything else. Everything real. Everything that isn't what you spent all your waking time on for the past however many years. It felt like forever, but it wasn't.
Sometimes, you hate that you ever found that world. Because even though it made you so indescribably happy, you know that leaving it will hurt so much more, will be so much worse, so much more sad and painful than it was happy. Is that world, has that world been, will that world be worth it? Sometimes, you don't know. When you think about it, you're not sure that you will always be able to say that, "Yes, it was worth it."
All you can do is wait to find out.
You know that one day the person graduating is going to be you, and you're going to have to wake up and look around and tell yourself that you're really not a child any more. That you have to start thinking about other things, prioritise, that you can't just sit around and let blissful waves of a fantasy world wash over you any more. People disappear from that world you created together, replaced by new ones that you don't know. People leave and move on and disappear, leaving virtually nothing behind. And one of these days, that's going to be you. You just won't be able to afford that world any more, time-wise, money-wise, emotion-wise.
Sometimes, there are people who are fortunate enough to have a few people who will carry that world forward for a few years, to be able to indulge in with the people they know who are in the same situation, unwilling to let go. But it isn't, it won't be long before you feel an overwhelming wave of patheticness. And that's the last thing you want to feel or to call others. But the problem is that there is no support out there in the world of "I need to find a career".
A career. A family, perhaps. A life outside that little bubble that you managed to encapsulate yourself in. A life that other people will approve of. Because while you were so busy not caring about what people thought when we had the beautiful, dorky, amazing parts of our fantasy world, they moved on without us.
And life afterwards can get very, very lonely.
In life afterwards, you feel like you've lost some of your best friends. In a way, everything in that world was your best friend - always smiling at you, encouraging you, doing silly things with and for you, telling you they love you; you spent all your time in the world together, even if sometimes it all made you cry. And then it's gone and you only have a few people left who understand, and you have to go through the jarring transition together, holding on for, and onto, dear life.
You have to make that transition from your fantasy world and all the happiness that came from it to everything else. Everything real. Everything that isn't what you spent all your waking time on for the past however many years. It felt like forever, but it wasn't.
Sometimes, you hate that you ever found that world. Because even though it made you so indescribably happy, you know that leaving it will hurt so much more, will be so much worse, so much more sad and painful than it was happy. Is that world, has that world been, will that world be worth it? Sometimes, you don't know. When you think about it, you're not sure that you will always be able to say that, "Yes, it was worth it."
All you can do is wait to find out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)