Normally I love going to gatherings or birthdays or whatever the event happens to be. Normally. I've always preferred hanging out one-on-one as opposed to in groups, though. The group exceptions are generally if the small group happens to be the right mix of people where I don't feel awkward, or big enough that there are enough people that I can mill around with to cancel out the potential awkward feelings. Sometimes I feel no qualms about making up some (silly and obvious) excuse to get out going to events, though this is usually relegated to the times when I simply don't feel close enough to any of the attendees to justify my going. Other times, I hate being too nice to try to make an excuse to get out of going to something. Usually this happens when the other party is someone who I've known for a fairly long amount of time, or would be genuinely upset by my non-attendance, or someone I would consider myself fairly close to.
I had fun enough at N's 21st, I guess. We were particularly close in the past, and we've remained fairly good friends through all these years. I can't lie though, my fun was mostly centered around the great delight that was informing L and J that I knew more about L than they would have expected, but not because of Facebook stalking like they expected. Oh no, rather, because one of my closest friends,T, happens to be L's ex-girlfriend. The dress up aspect of it was fun too, though; and the decor was adorable.
The most awkward moment was, I guess, not being comfortable with almost everyone in attendance and having that be so obvious. I'd expected it, of course; we lead different lives, and our tastes in friends are pretty different too. I'm not particularly social at the best of times, even in my own circles, but it's even harder when it's obvious that everyone else is on such good terms with each other. It's not as if I could monopolise N's time either, since it's her birthday. I ended up on my phone for most of the night, messaging the rest of my friends, and eating more than I normally would in the span of about three days. I'm sure that if I tried, I would've been able to strike up conversation with any of the others but honestly, I didn't really want to. I don't much see the point in trying to forge a connection which will be somewhat awkward for all parties involved for the sake of a few hours only.
I've always been particularly bad at presents, too. Even if I happen to know the person quite well, unless they request something specific I have a lot of difficulty in finding something for them. I'm just not the type who goes out shopping and sees things that remind me of people, or that make me think 'person x would like this a lot'. This is also why I never expect presents, not that I ever give people a chance to give them to me; I don't really remember the last time I had a proper birthday. I ended up just writing her a card with a lot of ~heartfelt words~.
It wasn't a bad night, but it definitely wasn't one of the better ones either. I'm glad I went though, I think I would have regretted not going more than I vaguely regret going.
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