wow, what a year 2020 has been. you never could have imagined everything that came to pass when it started. looking back at your hopes and dreams for yourself last year is harder than it usually is. even knowing that there's been so much that happened which was outside of your control this year, you're still a little disappointed with yourself. that's okay though, I think, because at least you tried. your efforts will never betray you, how many times did you tell yourself that this year? too many to count, and even if things didn't quite work out the way that you wanted them to, you still did well. you still managed to achieve things that you didn't believe might be possible.
this year changed a lot of your friendships. there are some that you didn't get to develop half as much as you wish you could have, so I hope that you've made an effort to in the new year. you sincerely like these people, so try your best to keep in touch even if it's hard. there are others that you are and have re-evaluated. it's hard to accept that you can't always be there for others, can't always influence the decisions that they made, particularly when you care about them, but I think this year especially, you learned that you do and you can be selfish. I hope you're prioritising yourself more now. give yourself time and space away when you need to, but don't forget to reach out to others because it's okay to need support too. after all, there are certain parts of this year you never would have been able to make it through if it were for the people around you. I hope you're still close with the ones that you hold dear to your heart. things might be different now, but that doesn't mean you have to grow apart. there are some people you think you can understand a little better now that you couldn't before. have you reached out to mend or rebuild those bridges? or did you decide that not doing so was better for you? either way, keep working on that. make the choices that are healthiest for you, even if it hurts to do so.
you didn't get to have anywhere near the amount of new experiences this year that you wanted to. but that doesn't matter because you're still here. you're alive and healthy and safe, and as long as you have those things, you can try new things, go to new places, see and experience what is out there in the world. I wonder where you'll have been able to go by this time next year. wherever it is, I hope that you enjoyed yourself to the fullest and pushed yourself.
your interests and priorities definitely changed a lot this year. are they still the same now? even if they are not, I hope that you're still happy and passionate about something. I hope that you're still keeping and gaining friends to share them with. you came out of your shell a little more this year. it's a little funny to think about how terrified you were, only to learn how supportive and accepting others can be when you come to them with good intentions. you've always known this but it's been hard to take that step. have you come even further now? if not, that's okay too. ease yourself into it, day by day, step by step. you'll get there. don't let your fears of being seen differently stop you.
honestly, I'm still a little shocked that you managed to not only hit but surpass the nanowrimo word count. it's the first time you've ever been able to do so. have you finished working on freefall yet? even if it has been put on the backburner like your other previous attempts, don't feel badly about it. you proved to yourself this year that you can do it, it isn't too lofty a goal. november has ever been tricky so i hope you strove to do it again. you learnt, better than before, how you can surprise yourself this year. I hope you're still surprising yourself with how much you can take on and accomplish!
in the end, you're still not happy with the person that you are. that's something that hasn't changed, and after so long, I do hope that you're never satisfied with who you've become. I fear for what will happen if that day should come, what kind of person would you be? I hope you're still trying to improve and be better than you are now. work on your patience and tolerance, as always. your heart can be big enough if you allow it to be. try not to let your fears and emotions, valid as they may be, hold you back. I hope you've made some better decisions this year. although you're not unhappy, there were some things that you regret doing, that you could have taken a step back from. have you learnt some self-control? though you're getting older, sometimes you're not so sure you're getting wiser. have you decided that these things are worth it in your quest for happiness? whichever it is, I hope that you've still been able to achieve some of your goals. I hope that you're doing your best to make the most of what you have. this decade may not have started off well but you've got a whole year ahead of you to turn it around. I hope that you did.
love,
2020!self
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