where will you be this time next year? I hope you are somewhere different to this year, somewhere you are happy and surrounded by people who love you.
2019 has been a hard year for you, in so many ways. there is so much that changes in a year. it hurts, a little, to look back at your letter to yourself last year. you had so many hopes for yourself that didn't go the way that you had planned. but that's life, isn't it? it can be difficult to reconcile what you dreamed of with what you actually achieved. but you still accomplished a lot, be proud of that.
you had so many new experiences this year that you never would have dreamt of before. how much did you expend to have those? you don't know and frankly, you don't really want to calculate it. it was worth it, all of it. I hope that you're still having experiences that you've dreamed of, but I hope you're at least being a little smarter about it. either way, you wouldn't be able to do it without the people that you have now. this time last year, you couldnt have imagined that you'd be this close with these people. but this group brought you through the whole year, made it possible for you to have so many exciting and shiny things happen. they're the reason why, even though this year wasn't particularly kind to you, you didn't feel like you needed to turn here alone. they carried you through the weight and the heaviness and even if things change next year, you're grateful for it.
you lost other people this year, some of them you never imagined that you would. but life throws surprises at you, and sometimes as much as you want it to work out, it doesn't if the other person won't put their efforts in. you've come to terms with that somewhat, and I hope that perhaps next year, you're able to think back on the times that you spent with them fondly and without bitterness. you didn't develop some relationships as much as you could have this year but that's alright - you're still on good terms and there will be time. and, of course, always, there are those at your core, who you will hold onto with bleeding fingertips for as long as you can and who you're thankful for taking your hand when you hold it out even if you're separated by life and distance of the every day.
nanowrimo didn't work out again for you this year but you've come to accept that. November is after all, a month that has never been good for you. that hasn't stopped you from trying though, and I hope you haven't either. you're still passionate about writing, still looking for that story that only you can tell, the words that only you can breathe into life. I hope you haven't given up on the others either, you've been working on them for too long for that. even if it's just a few words, sentences, paragraphs a year. writing is writing. one of these days, it will all come together. I believe in that. you're becoming more confident in yourself this year too. keep putting yourself out there, who knows what could happen.
above all else, I hope you're trying your best to live every day. be happier. be healthier. believe what others tell you about yourself, even if it's hard. I hope you can be a better person in 2020, someone that you can tell yourself others would be proud to know. I hope you know that it's okay to not be happy, but I hope that you're still striving to be. you might not believe it now, but I hope that by 2020 you believe that you really do deserve all the good things that come into your life. you're a completely different person at the end of this decade than you were at the beginning. you've grown so much and there are still so many more things in store for you.
love,
2019!self
