My biggest fear is and always has been, most likely always will be, that I am easily replaceable. (Forgettable? Discardable? My life is written in semantics.)
It's disgusting and a little pathetic, and I'm upset at myself for not seeing it before. But I'm also upset with you for allowing it anyway, despite the fact that we're both aware that we're unhappy about it. It should count that we've known each other longer and are really pretty close with each other. It's not wrong to think that we ought to value the friendship we have that spans years at least a little more than all our other relationships with other people, is it?
A close second is failure. I don't like not being good at things. It's fear that drives me.
I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what I can do for you. I want, so much, to try, but it's so hard when I don't know where to start.
I'm sorry.
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