I know I'm not trying hard enough and yet somehow I'm still tired all the time. I think one of the worst things to feel is as though you are inadequate. Like you will never be anything more than mediocre at something, anything. And the thing is, it will always be the rank that they see and care about. It doesn't define you; all it means is that you didn't give them what they want. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't hurt any less, because even if it doesn't define you, it does hold weight. It's actually really quite distressing. I'm not unhappy, no, just...stressed and concerned and mostly just tired. Is that normal? Was I ever normal?
I'll keep going though, because the alternative consists of so much that I'm afraid to think about. It's incomprehensible.
Short post for now; I'll backlog with cheerful entries about the weekend later.
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