an interlude away

October has been fairly kind to me thus far; though I suppose that it doesn't count for much, considering we're still less than a week in to it. It might also be to do with the fact that this has been the mid-semester break and, as such, all my days have been devoted to doing virtually nothing that requires a lot of mental engagement. After this, there is still three weeks of class, which heralds a lot of stress. At least I will have my own space when it matters. D leaves in just over a week, so my sister will be back out of my room. Not that sharing has been awful, just a little inconveniencing.

I had my cafe interview yesterday. I'm not feeling all that good about it, but we'll see how things go. In any case, it's not the end of the world if I don't get this - there will be other chances! Be more positive; it's Spring, after all, so how can I not be?

G and I had a conversation over breakfast (cinnamon toast on my end and museli, yoghurt and fruit on hers) via TC this morning. I didn't see her nearly enough when she lived closer, and I'll see and speak to her even less now that she's moved states. There's a part of me that will always love her, even if she upsets me, because I know she cares a lot about me, even if she doesn't always show it in the most considerate way. I think I need her callousness sometimes. She asked me a lot of questions, but most pertinently about if I was sure about everything, and when this all started, which is...also not the first time I've been asked that this week.

I think it's an unfair question because it's not one with a clear-cut answer. It's not as if I woke up and rolled out of bed one morning thinking that today, and thereon after, I was going to like O, in the same way that I didn't simply wake up and decide that actually, I would like to just write for the rest of my life, no matter how draining writing can be. Things just don't work like that. They're a gradual slide. A better question, perhaps, would be when I realised what this was to me. Though I'm not entirely sure that, if asked, I'd be able to answer that question either. It's not as if I kept records of this kind of thing.

T has been so good recently, she really is the best kind of friend. Y, A, C, W, J and S I would punch if I were able, though. I love them but they are being so insufferable. M and T are being melodramatic as ever, and it's really not something I need right now. On the other end, I hate to think of what may come if C were to find out, but I'm pretty sure we all cut every possible ties back then. I'm not unscathed, and one day I'll probably have to talk about it, but for now I don't think I need to worry. I'm going to concentrate more on short term planning. The big picture upsets, overwhelms, depresses me, makes me think about why I even bother. Or maybe I am just looking too big.

M's birthday tonight; post to come about that later, I suppose.