After a prolonged period of time away from a certain group of people, I always overestimate my ability to socialise with them. Either that, or I somehow seem to convince myself that I was better friends with them than I was, and that they will actually make concerted efforts to talk to me and include me in the conversation. It's kind of a vicious cycle, wherein everyone else seems to have fun and I am left feeling stupid and ridiculous for ever entertaining the notion that people actually enjoy my company.
The thing is, I value everyone that has passed through my life, regardless of how fleeting. Unless you've done something monumentally stupid to make me dislike, I usually think of you fondly and will want to go out of my way to see you and talk to you and find out how your life has been, provided there's been a suitable amount of time since the last time I happened to go out or run into you. Except that, of course, not everyone feels like this. Particularly when they're closer to everyone else who is not you and happens to be in attendance.
It's a little disappointing to go to an event and end up talking to less than half the attendees. I guess it could have been worse. At least H didn't really know anyone else there either, so once she arrived I almost exclusively talked to her. Out of all the others who attended, the only one I semi-regularly speak to was S, and that only because we share a unit together this semester. It got slightly better once we sat down for dinner though, if only by virtue of the fact that everyone concentrates at least a little more on eating than on talking.
The food was delicious and it was a lovely place to be, I have to give N that. We booked out the back room, and ended up re-arranging the tables to make it a little easier to talk. There was also a man stationed in the alcove singing intermittenly during the night. If I'm remembering correctly, there were pasta dishes with chips, salad and calamari rings for starters; a steak dish or chicken parmigiana alternated as the main, while dessert was vanilla ice cream, blueberry and marshmallow pizza and nutella spread between toasted pita. There was also ice cream birthday cake!
It was a pretty subdued affair on my end, although I suppose some of the others would beg to differ. It was pretty fun to see M and V interacting with the children who kept running through the room, anyway. I've always been the type to sit back and let everything happen around me though; provided others are enjoying themselves, I can sort of forget how excluded I am. That sounds pretty bad, but it doesn't upset me that much, I think. Most of the time, I just watch and think about all the different ways I could write this slice of life. I still ended up staying longer than originally planned, if only because I always feel guilty on skipping out on birthdays before cake, even if I know it's not my fault. Living a ridiculous distance from everyone else has its distinct disadvantages.
I enjoyed being able to see everyone who attended (V, M, J, L, I, S, H, N, A, D, T, are all that I can remember though) even if I didn't talk to most of them. It was a nice reminder of a time of the past.
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